BEVERLY ENGEL
“Some of us were born in the houses cursed by our parents’ sadness and rage… It’s hard to feel safe in the world when you are raised in a haunted house.” - Anonymous
Welcome to the
Emotionally Abusive Families Website
The purpose of which is to introduce you to a subject that has been ignored for far too long—the emotionally abusive family—how it is formed and how much harm it causes children. Emotional abuse has begun to receive the attention it deserves but the specific issue of how it moves through an entire family system, shaping children in ways that last a lifetime and creating cycles of abuse that repeat across generations has remained largely unaddressed.
Family is supposed to be an environment where children receive the love, guidance, encouragement, and support they need in order to mature into healthy adults. Unfortunately, in some homes not only are children deprived of these things but they are constantly bombarded with experiences of CONFLICT, CRITICISM, CHAOS AND COMPETITION.
_edited.jpg)
When Home Doesn't
Feel Safe
The family home is intended to be a place where children can safely grow up, surrounded by the protection of loving and supportive parents. Instead, the tension and hostility that exists in a home where there is emotional abuse causes children to feel INSECURE, FRIGHTENED, AND DISORIENTED, either fearful of venturing out into the world or forced to escape into the world before they are emotionally equipped to do so.
How Are Children
Affected by This Environment?
If you have come to this website, it is probably because you suspect that you were raised in an emotionally abusive family.
You may have experienced:
constant criticism
shaming
unreasonable expectations
gaslighting
unfair comparisons
competition
scapegoating
emotional neglect
Because of this you may find that you have a difficult time trusting others, you may have continual conflicts with your romantic partners, and you may be unable to maintain healthy relationships. You may continually get into conflicts with your bosses and get fired. You may not trust your perceptions and have a difficult time making decisions. You may suffer from low self-esteem and feel unworthy of love and happiness. And you may struggle with severe anxiety or depression.
-
Even though you are an adult, you may be unable to break away and move out of the family home. Your self-esteem may have been so damaged that you are afraid you can’t make it on your own.
-
You may have developed an alcohol or drug dependency as a way to cope.
-
You may currently be emotionally abused by your partner and have growing concern about how this abuse is affecting your children.
-
Or perhaps you are beginning to recognize signs of emotional abusive behavior in yourself toward your partner or your own children.
If you’ve managed to move away from home you may find that you still struggle with allowing yourself to feel separate from your parents and other family members. Some of you may feel torn between the way your family views things and the way you do. If you were raised in a strongly religious family or in a culture where children are supposed to obey their parents without question, you may feel confused as to whether the way you have chosen to live your life is the right way. Or you may still be in a constant battle with family members because your beliefs and your lifestyle are considered wrong or sinful.
One of the most damaging effects of growing up in an emotionally abusive family is that the children pick up on the disrespectful, abusive attitude of one parent toward the other and feel they must take sides. They either feel anger and hatred toward the parent who is being abusive or they lose respect for the abused parent. Instead of feeling sorry for the victim, some determine early on that they will never be like the abused parent, and they begin to mimic the behavior of the abusive parent. Others do the opposite, vowing to never behave like their abusive parent. This can set them up for a pattern of being in unhealthy or abusive relationships in the future, either being in the role of the victim or the abuser.